Johnny: And we are back to the A-TEAM MATCH GAME...finally!
Jo: Quit trying to turn them against me, you bozo!
Jo: Seeing as how we all had ample time to pee and stretch our legs, we will get right into it. Reigning champ Claye versus challenger Helane. Claye, you got Question A, so you will go first.
A: Murdock has convinced Hannibal to try and be healthy again. So, instead of getting a fix off of smoking a cigar, Hannibal now gets a fix off of _________.Claye: You know, old man, I have been sitting here for days waiting on you to get this show on the road.
Jo: Claye, we had some technical difficulties.
Claye: Then I should win.
Jo: Why you and not Helane?
Claye: Well, because I have money.
Jo: Maybe she does too.
Claye: *snorts* Not as much as I do.
Jo: Anyway....
Claye: Right. Beef jerky, my good man.
Jo: What?
Claye: You heard me.
Jo: Okay....MelMac?
Jo: HD, we don't need that yet.
HD: Better to have it ready just in case, you know.
Jo: *Sigh* MelMac?
MelMac: I am getting really tired of this tape joke. I am not always literal, I do not always tell long stories, I do not always--
Jo: MelMac!
MelMac: What?
Lauren: What?
Jo: Stop that! See, MelMac. Lauren never tires of HER joke...why can't you accept yours?
MelMac: I do accept it...I don't like it. You see--
Jo: MelMac! Just the answer!
MelMac: It's "just the facts," Jo.
Jo: AAAGGGHHHH!
MelMac: I don't think that was how they used to respond on DRAGNET.
Joe Friday: I carry a badge, MelMac. Now give Jo what she's lookin' for.
MelMac: I think--
Joe Friday: Just the facts, ma'am. What is your answer to the question?
MelMac: A carrot.
Joe Friday: And the color of the carrot? Did you see it talking to anyone before the murder?
MelMac: *Blink blink*
Jo: A GREAT big thank you to Joe Friday.
*AUDIENCE APPLAUDS*Jo: No match so far. On to Ms. B.
Ms. B: I am not sure I want to play. Last time you forgot my answer.
Jo: I apologized.
Ms. B: I know, but I wanted to mention it again.
Jo: Your answer?
Ms. B: Blowing things up.
Jo: Great answer, but no match with Claye! On to Lauren!
Lauren: Are we doing this now?
Jo: Yes.
Lauren: I'm tired. Can you come back to me?
Jo: No.
Lauren: Are you sure? Just a couple of minutes.
Jo: You were fine a minute ago with your "What?"
Lauren: What?
Jo: Dagnabbit! Stop doing that!
Lauren: Okay.
Jo: What is your answer?
Lauren: Bubble gum.
Jo: Another good answer, but no match once again. Who's next? Is it BW?
BW: I sat this round out because I hate the A-TEAM.
Jo: I thought you were going to give it a shot.
BW: WKRP is out, honey. Fat chance. I don't have time for this drivel.
Bill: Why do you always look over here when she says that word?
Jo: I wonder. BW, so why are you here if you did not play?
BW: So I could leave you out to ____.
Jo: I give up.
BW: Dry. HAHAHAHAHA! I have to go now. SCRUBS is on tonight.
Jo: *Sigh*
Johnny: Look who just came in, Jo!
Jo: MyTatuo! Did you answer?
MyTatuo: Yeaaaaah...I did.
Jo: You sound like Ray Stevens from THE STREAK.
MyTatuo: Yeeaaaaah....I do.
Jo: Your answer?
MyTatuo: Boogity Boogity.
Jo: MyTatuo!
MyTatuo: Some sort of plan that has come together, thereby creating strong feelings of love in him.
Jo: A definitive answer if I ever heard one! Great work, MyTatuo! Okay, am I next?
Helane: No!
Jo: Who is left?
Helane: Duh, me, of course. They will just GIVE hosting jobs away anymore, geez! And don't think that I haven't noticed that I am next to last to go.
Jo: *Blink blink*
Helane: Quit blinking and ask for my answer already.
Jo: You don't get to answer the question for Claye, you dunderhead. You are a contestant.
Helane: Fine. Well, the fool didn't match me anyway...I said "chewing tobacco."
Jo: Are you out to ruin this round?
Helane: I am going to win anyway...I am too perfect...and beauty over money any day.
Claye: *Snort*
Helane: I will prove it while Jo answers. *Stalks behind the scenes*
Jo: HD, can you help me, please?
DG: I vill go first dis time, tank you. Jo, vhat did you say, dahling?
Jo: I said what anyone would say: Crunching veggies (like Bugs Bunny). If BW were here, she would have said that.
"What's up, doc?"
DG: No match...here you go, Jo.
Jo: That means Helane only needs one match to win the round. Is she back?
Helane: Here I am!
Jo: Hubba, hubba! I mean...uh...is that you, Helane?
Helane: Yes. Don't you recognize me?
Jo: I do, but from a different picture.
Helane: Which one?
Jo: I can't say on TV!
Helane: Too bad. Shall we go on with the questions...after you wipe up your drool?
Jo: Uh....*slobber*...yes. Question B went to you, hottie, I mean, uh, honey...I mean, uh, Helane.
B: Frankie is getting more accepted as a part of the team...even with B.A. Now, instead of melting B.A's gold, he _______ it instead. What did you say, Helane?
Helane: Shines.
Jo: Good answer, sweetie...I mean, baby....uh...Helane. MelMac?
MelMac: Don't you think it is unprofessional to call her those names and to slobber? Just because she is a lady with nice features and full b--
Jo: MELMAC!
MelMac: What?
Jo: Answer the question!
MelMac: I would like to finish my diatribe first.
Jo: MelMac!
MelMac: Fine. Frankie firescales it.
Jo: *Blink blink*
MelMac: That means he turns it grey instead. This is also basically burning out the metal a bit, so if Helane says burns, it's technically correct.
Jo: Well, she didn't.
MelMac: Too bad because I dabble in jewelry...well, it is really more than a dabbling...
MelMac: *mmmph*
Jo: Thanks, HD. Ms. B?
Ms. B: I think this answer will be definitive.
Jo: Great! Will it match Helane?
Ms. B: I have no idea.
Jo: What is the answer you gave?
Ms. B: spits on it...to clean it.
Jo: Before MelMac protests, what do you say judge?
Judge: While the intent of keeping it clean is the same, there are vastly different methods of HOW Frankie might shine the gold. Ms. B gave a VERY specific one and we have deemed that it does not match on those grounds.
Jo: Even though she clarified to clean it?
Judge: Hold on. *Whispers* Since that is part of her answer, it has been decided that this WOULD be a match. Both imply cleaning it to some degree and since Ms. B matches Helane's intent, that would count. One point to Helane for Ms. B's answer!
Jo: Awesome work to the judges and Ms. B! Helane wins with one match to none. What did the rest of you say? Lauren?
Lauren: Tarnished.
Jo: Definitive answer! Great work.
Lauren: I am great, I know.
Jo: MyTatuo?
MyTatuo: gold-plated
Jo: Okay...that gives you a
MyTatuo: ____ you.
Jo: I didn't sneeze.
MyTatuo: *Blink blink*
HD: What did you say, Jo?
Jo: Hides.
Jo: I want to thank everyone for being such good sports for the long wait and I hope to see you all back here again when Helane faces her challenger, whoever that is. If no one wants too, I guess we are cancelled and will have to wait for the new season. You can save us from that fate by volunteering. We want to hear from you. Johnny, take it away!
Johnny: This round of Match Game was brought to you by Joe Friday, guest host and great all-around guy. This game was also brought to you by one of our very own contestants, Helane...and her previous employer, Hugh Hefner!
From her PLAYBOY centerfold, and from the PLAYBOY mansion, this A-TEAM Match Game getting o---
Jo: You idiot! We have TOS standards to follow! You can't say that!
Johnny: Right! We are SIGNING off! Good night one and all!