Welcome back to the A-Team Match Game!
DG: Thank you, dahling. All ze results are in. Everybody sit down so I can read de question to you.
DG: Dat means you too, Josie. No special treatment just because you are da host.
Jo: Can I finish this first?
DG: Eat it vhile ve see how MelMac did.
Jo: Okay.
DG: Okay, MelMac's question vas:
Question A: The team has decided to get B.A. hypnotized again so dat he can fly vithout being drugged. But instead of using a vord dat is not very common, the hypnotist used the word _____ and he is falling asleep all dee time.
Mel, vhat do you say to dat?
MelMac: I love that accent. You know, it reminds me of the time that I....
*Hours long MelMac anecdote ensues* Jo: Can I just forfeit? I can't take much more of this.
MelMac: Does that mean I automatically win? I would like to win fairly, but if I can't....
*Starts another MelManecdote*DG: If you keep dat up, I can call time on ze question and you vill lose. Vhat is your answer?
MelMac: B.A. would pass out every time the word "
Fool" was used.
DG: Good answer...probably ze best vun dat you could give. On to our panelists. Mr. Noir, hello dere.
Mr. Noir: Why hello there, young lady. What's a pretty girl like you doin' in a place like this?
DG: Looking for a match for MelMac.
Mr. Noir: Well, I ain't got one, sweetiepie. How about you and I make a match?
DG: Answer me.
Mr. Noir: "Scenario."
DG: Dat is de wrong show. How can you zhink dat Mr. T would care about da word "scenario." You thought dat it would be like the old forum, but you are always jumping on the wrong concussion.
MelMac: I think you mean "conclusion."
DG: Yes, dat is vhat you are always jumping on, Mr. Noir. You too, MelMac. No match. Claye, vhat did you say?
Claye: Well, darling, I said the only thing that made sense. B.A. is always complaining about Hannibal and the jazz and stuff, so I made the quote relevant to that old fellow. I said "Plan."
DG: They DO love it vhen a plan comes together...a good answer, but MelMac had the definitive answer so far. Lauren?
Lauren: What?
DG: Vhat is your answer?
Lauren: What?
DG: Vhat is your answer to ze question?
Lauren: I love it when a "PLAN" comes together.
DG: No match. Helane?
Helane: I think this is a match. I hope the judges are being really lenient tonight.
DG: Vhat did you say?
Helane:
"Fool."DG: Dat is vun match for MelMac. Vundervul. B.W.?
B.W.: Well, what else would I say? I am B.A's woman you know.
DG: You are? How marvelous! Vhen is da wedding?
B.W: It's not like that.
DG: It's not? You should be ashamed of yourself...da both of you.
B.W.: Hey, I am a grown woman and he is a man. We can do what we please.
DG: Dat is true. I am sorry. Vhat is your answer?
B.W.: I pity da
FOOL who don't like B.A. Baracus.
DG: Vundervul. Now on to MyTatuo. Vhat did you say, MyTatuo?
MyTatuo: I wrote the definitive answer.
DG: You wrote FOOL too?
MyTatuo: No.
DG: But isn't dat ze definitive answer?
MyTatuo: No.
DG: Den vhat is it?
MyTatuo: Sucka.
DG: Dat WAS another definitive answer, but dere is no match dare. Okay, Mel has two points. I vill now turn da MC over to HoudiniVhite for Jo's question. Thank you everyone!
*Audience applauds for DG*Jo: Houdini had to go to the bathroom, so I am gonna sit in...uh...fill in for a moment until Houdini is back. Why don't we all stretch and stuff?
MelMac: I am quite comfortable. In fact-
Robert Donner: Stop her. Everybody get up and move around real quick!
*SCRAMBLE by Joey Scarbury is played during the intermission*Jo: Turn that stuff off! This is the A-Team Match Game. You should be playing JUMPIN' JACK FLASH, KARMA CHAMELEON, or EVE OF DESTRUCTION.
DG: MelMac finished her story. Everyone sit down.
DG: Give dat to Houdini, Jo.
Jo: Gladly.
Houdini: Thank you, Jo. Thank you, DG. I feel much better, quite relieved. So the score stands at two for MelMac. Jo, do you think you can do this?
Jo: Bring it on!
Houdini: Jo, here is your question:
Question B: Hollywood has decided to make the A-TEAM into a feature film, but it is obvious they have never seen the original show. For the role of B.A., they have cast _______.
Jo: That's tough. There are a lot of good choices for the role of B.A. if this was real question. But there are a lot of horrid people to play him too.
Houdini: And?
Jo: Owen Wilson.
Houdini: *Blink blink*
Jo: What?
Lauren: What?
Houdini: We weren't talkin' to you.
Lauren: What?
Houdini: Okay, Jo said "Owen Wilson." Definitely bad casting, but not the definitive answer. Maybe someone else has it. Mr. Noir, do you have a better answer this time?
Mr. Noir: Solid gold answer, hun. Just like B.A's necklaces.
Houdini: Very funny. Answer?
Mr. Noir: Well, the initials B.A. got me thinking. I know that it is supposed to stand for "Bad Attitude," but what if it was code for the initials of the person who is supposed to play B.A. in the upcoming movie?
Houdini: Okay, this should be interesting. Answer?
Mr. Noir: So, I got out my Hollywood directory...I collect weird things that no one wants...I will show you my Storm Trooper later. And there on the first page I flipped too, I found it.
Houdini: Found what? Your Answer?
Mr. Noir: Yes. It was someone that had all the necessary requirements to play the role, but had one thing that would make it hard to play B.A.: Too masculine.
Houdini: Answer?
Mr. Noir: Bea Arthur.
Houdini: Maude?
Mr. Noir: Bea Arthur.
Houdini: Dorothy?
Mr. Noir: B.A. stands for Bea Arthur.
Houdini: *Blink blink* It never fails to amaze me how the two of you are married. Okay, that is not a match. We are looking for Owen Wilson. Claye?
Claye: I didn't match the last one, my dear lady, but I have the definitive answer this time for sure. It is money in the bank...the only kind of money that matters, you know.
Houdini: What is your answer?
Claye: Jim Carrey.
Houdini: *Blink blink* True...the white whimpy guy WOULD be a bad choice for B.A. I see him more as H.M. Murdock.
Claye: Exactly, my girl. That is what MAKES it the worst choice. B.A. would think that he is going crazy if played by Jim Carrey and then he could room with Murdock at the V.A. and I can foreclose on his property and build another golf course.
Houdini: Okay....no match. Helane?
Helane: I don't think I was paying much attention to the question.
Houdini: Why didn't you ask for a repeat?
Helane: Didn't think about it.
Houdini: What did you put?
Helane: Michael J. Fox.
Houdini: *Blink Blink* Okay.....Lauren?
Lauren: What?
Houdini: It's your turn to answer.
Lauren: I said what anyone who knows anything about the A-Team would say: HD.
Houdini: I'm flattered, but I don't have a mohawk.
Lauren: I could fix that.
Houdini: What?
Lauren: What?
Houdini: Wha...oh never mind. BW?
BW: I had the definitive answer last time. I will have it again this time.
Houdini: What is the definitive answer then?
BW: I will turn this around in my own sweet time, sucka.
Houdini: BW, what is your answer?
BW: Chris Rock.
Houdini: That is the best answer so far, but it is not THE definitive answer. MyTatuo, can you save us from this? MyTatuo? Are you listening to me?
MyTatuo: I am trying hard NOT too.
Houdini: Why is that?
MyTatuo: Because I thought I had the definitive answer, then I heard BW's answer. But then, you said hers was good, but NOT definitive, so I know mine is nowhere even close to it now, so I am trying not to listen to you because if you call my name and I don't hear you, I don't have to show it.
Houdini: What was your answer?
MyTatuo: What?
Lauren: What?
Houdini: Stop it, the both of you! MyTatuo, what was your answer?
MyTatuo: Jon "Napolean Dynamite" Heder.
Houdini: *Blink blink*
Houdini: That is not the definitive answer either.
Robert Donner: What IS the definitive answer, Houdini?
Houdini: Who else?
Audience, panelists, and contestants as one: What you talkin' 'bout, Willis?MelMac: I don't understand.
Jo: That's a shame, but we don't have time for that right now. Congratulations to MelMac for matching two people in that round. Thank you as well to the two lovely ladies who helped MC this round and give me some time off. It was fun and I will see you next time on A-Team Match Game. We are out of time, so I will say goodnight to you out there in the Los Angeles underground! Good night!
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